blog wordle.

so.

this is what i write about.





apparently i need something. a lot.

late night ramblings.

it's late.

and i'm up.

again.

i do this. i stay up late doing nothing. and then kinda ruin the next day because i sleep in. productiveness goes out the window.

but.

i'm on summer break.

however.

i've had far too many late nights and lazy days following.

so. i am making a list. of things i have to do tomorrow. to cross off.

i love lists. need to start using them again. in preparation for real life that begins in less than three weeks. what? no. that can't be. what happened to all my summer plans?

this just makes me sad. and disappointed.

again.

but.

life isn't over. this year isn't over. this month isn't over. and neither is this week.

i have this thing where i think that just because i am a certain way at the beginning of a school year i have to stay that way for the rest. well. i don't. i told myself at the beginning of this year that 2014 was going to be my year, and dammit, i will make sure that it will be (excuse my English...).

so.

ramblings.

that's what this blog is all about, and i kind of like it. i stayed up late mostly partly because i was catching up on some blog reading, which i haven't done in over a year. and, you know. my blog will never be like anyone else's. and that's ok. while i admire their photos and poetic musings, i have to be ok with who i am on this blog.

which will always be lene - the girl who sometimes takes good pictures, and sometimes steal someone else's (ok, how do you even spell that? elses' elses else's??) - with the proper credit due. lene - the girl who is sad a lot of the time, and tries to therapeutically write her feelings down. lene - the girl who tries to open up more and be more vulnerable, and sometimes shares something embarrassing about herself. lene - the girl who does try to make a more interesting blog, but realizes she needs to go out and experience something in order to have something interesting to write about.

guess what? tomorrow i am getting eyelash extensions. by someone who's still in training. so. it could be a disaster. i am also walking/playing w mochi, the little french bulldog puppy i see for an hour every day. and i need to find a mechanic to fix my car. because it needs fixing in order to be legal. oh, and i need insurance and an american drivers license too. and to clean the bathroom. i also have a pile of papers and various documents that needs organizing, a budget to create, clothes to mend, crafts to finish, museums to visit, personal training sessions to cash in on, christmas (2013) presents to ship, books to read, friends to hang out with, weeds to pull, a hot tub to drain, clean, and refill, and probably one million more things.

but. i'd rather watch netflix in bed.

however, i will not do that. not tomorrow. and hopefully not the next day either.

ok.

this was sufficiently theraputic.

bye.








ps. i also need a man.

what else is new?

disconnected. kinda.

i did it. i deactivated my facebook page.

this is something that i said i would never do, and secretly (but not really) ridiculed people who did.

i was never convinced by the phrase 'never say never' - especially when sleezy guys would said it after i rejected them - but i have realized that i too, can change my mind. for the first time, this phrase is sinking in, and i am letting it. i guess i used to think there was something ungodly by saying it (do not ask why, because i have no idea where i get this stuff from), but i'm learning that it's ok to go back on your word. it's ok to feel that facebook is an integral part of your social life, and to be slightly obsessed with putting pictures of everything you do there. but it is also ok say: no. i'm done. facebook is slowly but surely draining the happiness from my life, and i need a break.

so there. i did it.

and...i'm a little sad about it. it does feel empty.

the days leading up to the deactivation, when it became a reality (because i publicly announced it was happening), i was looking forward to it with glee, becoming more and more sure every time i scrolled down the news feed. the moment the deed was done i felt a great sense of relief.

but then. i got sad. i love my friends and family, and i love seeing their pictures, and sharing links etc. with them. and i like being able to check in on the people i don't talk to very often. i also appreciate the convenient outlet that facebook is to update everyone on my own life.

am i excluding myself from the life of my family and friends?

this facebook break is something i have thought about for months. and i was planning on starting it at the beginning of the summer, but kept putting it off for various reasons (i need to wait until after my birthday, i need to put the pictures from india up before i leave). however, when i saw this video on buzzfeed, i knew it was time.

and although it's a little sad, i know it is the right thing for me to do right now.

my reasons, in list form:


wasting too much time on fb
fear of fb addiction (but not really...i was never that bad)
fed up with being bombarded with everyone's political opinions
overwhelmed by the unnecessary, boring, and, quite frankly, shockingly personal things people post
scrolling down and seeing everyone's happy lives and accomplishments fed my insecurities and unhappiness
feeling a need to disconnect and experience real life, as opposed to a virtual one

there you have it. i'm glad i did it. and, look! i'm already blogging! this is good.

i'm not trying to disappear or hide. i'm still going to be active on social media, such as twitter and instagram. but facebook was not working for me, so i did something about it. and i'm glad. i feel free.

ok.

peace out. for now.