dreams 2.0.

i love dreams. night dreams, day dreams, life dreams/future dreams. dreams bring hope, and sometimes that's all you live on - the hope.

i usually (basically every night) have vivid dreams, that are very intricate and elaborate. and non-sensical. and i usually remember them fairly well. this makes sleeping fun. and today i slept in. a lot.

i dreamt that i was on a large group date - it's like it kept growing, from like 6 couples to 30. anywho, my date was this really attractive guy, not unlike this actor from dollhouse, which i've been watching nonstop lately. at first, he didn't seem very interested in me. i had to make all the effort, and go over to him, while he was talking to another couple. but he was nice, and polite - just didn't initiate any conversation. fast forward to the pool-part of the date. idk. all of a sudden there was a huge line outside this pool, and that's where we all were supposed to be for the next little while. i tried to get my date to go with me, but he lingered, talking to someone else. and then, after i had removed my shorts and shirt, and was left standing in my bathing suit - a one-piece, mind you, giving plenty coverage, maroon, in fact - he all of a sudden showed interest. for, in my dream, i had a rockin bod. but he wasn't creepy. just really romantic and sweet. we were just sitting by the pool, real close, talking. and then i started to notice a bunch of paparazzi, equipped with heavy duty cameras etc. they were all over, taking pictures of the myriads of couples in the pool. then i saw the videocameras as well. and as my date and i were talking about kissing, or how we wanted to kiss each other, he kissed me. not a long kiss, but a private one. like a secret kiss. in a good way. he told me that he didn't want to kiss me when the cameras were watching, because he had been a contestant on survivor that summer, and didn't want any more attention from the media. although all signs pointed to us being a part of a weird dating show. so he had snuck a kiss in as they were not looking. and he told me we'd kiss more later, when we were alone. [can you blame me for sleeping in??] well, it never got to that point, because all of a sudden i was in a wheel chair, taking the train back and forth between two places. and when the train one day didn't go further than a certain stop, i had to find a bus to take me all the way, and i had to haul all of my stuff (the reason i had taken the train was because i had so much stuff, and didn't have to carry it myself) on my wheel chair, and try to find a bus stop in the middle of nowhere. and now, that i am typing this, i remember that i was on a large (like huuuuge) cruise ship. but i think that was before the date, and it's where the date took place. and, somehow, all of this was connected. i think i was on my way to the guy when i was on the train. or something. i was definitely thinking about him.

that's it. fun read, right? fun for me anyway.

my point is this: sometimes your dreams are better than your actual life, and all you want to do is sleep, and dream, and pretend that you are living your dreams. right now i'm trying really hard to force myself out of my dreams, into my real life, in order to do something that will actually make my dreams come true. but, boy, all i want to do is sleep in. all the time.

living on the hope of your dreams can be motivating and constructive, but it can also be destructive if taken too far.

i wrote this once: i don't have a present to live in. the times i live in are the past and the future. i swim in glorious memories of times past till my skin is wrinkled, and then i wrap myself in the towel of the future - so warm, cozy; full of love, joy, and life; with promises of dreams and longings fulfilled.

i think it's important to live in the present. not just pretend to live there. and that's what i'm working on.

but sometimes i'm allowed to sleep in so that i can go on a 30-couple group date, right?