how do they do it??

source.

i am not too bashful to publicly acknowledge my wisdom. i am a fairly wise person. i know things. many things. about lots of things. 

but there is one mystery i haven't come close to solving. getting married.

my circle of friends is dwindling, because most of them have fallen into that great abyss of marriage. they're gone forever. (almost forever - don't want to get too extreme here.)

and it's not like i don't want to join them. i just don't know how.

how do they do it?

mucho of my friends (or people i know) are now getting married. most don't surprise me. but some do. like everyone else, i think of some people: how in the h do they find someone, and not i?!

some people i know are getting married all over the place. these people are people with whom i have had countless conversations about the woes of dating. that we both suffer. and yet. they get 'er done. 

but hoooooooow??????????????????

i just don't understand the workings of it. how do you meet and fall in love and get married?

and it's not like i'm not happy for these friends and acquaintances. because i am. but i will say that the more from my small and large circles that find love, the less joy i am able to exude. there's joy. just less of it.

and the more determined i am to figure this out.

 i have a dream. to write a book. about this very issue. why am i not married?

or, why are not all normal, great, late-twenties + lds people married? a group which includes me. i'm normal and great, right?

whether or not i write this book remains to be seen. as soon as i get married the topic will most definitely probably be of little interest to me. but i have spent a good amount of time thinking about surveys i would distribute to people that fit into the category described above, all over the world. and i've thought about researching extensively everything said about this topic from the general authorities. and also having lengthy (and not-so-lengthy) interviews with both men and women desperately looking for love, in addition to the surveys, published in this book, which mission is to solve a most grievous problem.

maybe i'll call my book how do they do it?  or, to focus on the ones that don't: how can we do it? or maybe i'll just worry about a title when the book is actually finished.

book, or no book, this issue concerns me. mostly because i am 13 days from being 26, still single, and with no prospects in sight (at least not ones who's prospects include me).

i don't want what i have written to have a sad, pathetic, or desperate feel. but if it does, i apologize? no. i don't apologize for sharing my thoughts. and that's what they are. my thoughts. remember  when i was like: ooo, i've almost just started this blog, and haven't really opened up, so here i go. ?

there i went. a lot. and it feels good.

but now i went a totally different direction from where i started, so i will get back to business:

i want to get married. and i want to fall in love. i want to love. to be loved. to get to know another person on such a deep and personal level, where no one else will ever reach. and be able to open up like i never have before, and didn't think i was capable of. i want huge, scary, vulnerable love.

source.

since i'm into quoting from my journal, i will share a dream i wrote about on dec 31, 2011:

last night i had a dream that i got married. the man was a few men actually, but that's not the point. the point it, it was such a vivid dream, emotionally. more than i've ever experienced. especially at one point, where the groom was giving a speech to me, the bride, during the reception. he looked at me from the stage, holding the microphone, and i looked at him. we smiled at each other, and it was like there were no one else around - just us. and i felt such an incredible and special love for him - a feeling i have never felt in real life. but i felt it in the dream, and it was so real. it was pretty incredible, and i seriously cannot wait to feel like that for reals.

that is what i want. and i know that i will get it. i am just so curious as to how. what happens on the journey from where i am now to that moment in my dream where my groom gives a speech to me at our wedding? i want to know now.

how can i do it? i wish there was a book addressing this issues out there somewhere? oh, wait..