the grandest question of life.

all i want is a great-looking husband to make babies with. is that really too much to ask?

is it?

iiiiiis it?

++

'wretch!' i said. 'it is well that you come here to whine over the desolation that you have made. you throw a torch into a pile of buildings, and when they are consumed, you sit among the ruins and lament the fall. hypocritical fiend! 

from mary shelley's frankenstein. 

be the change.

it is most definitely not a secret that i hate norway. [please don't focus too much on the word 'hate'. i use it like i would with meg ryan and kylie minogue's can't get you out of my head.] but i do not feel like i belong here in norway, and i surely cannot connect with norwegians.

lately i have felt this disconnect extra strongly, and it has put me in a somber mood. and i've felt a little hopeless. so there's that.

on with the point.

we all know the famous quote by the great gandhi - be the change you want to see in the world.

well, i had a personal epiphany the other day. these words just came into my mind, very clearly:

be the american you want to see in norway. 

so. that's what i'm trying to do. if i don't feel like myself (like the american i am), i better start acting like one. so that day i loudly said goodbye to the bus driver as i walked off the bus. and have been trying to do so ever since. and i smiled at strangers. my next challenge: compliment strangers.

i shall keep you updated on this american in norway formerly known as lene.

decisions.

my two best decisions of this week:

1. buying oranges. they were especially juicy and sweet, and it's been a delight to eat them. 
2. writing to-do lists, and planning my days thoroughly. when i write down that 'i will do this and that in this order as soon as i get home', instead of just thinking it in my head, i actually do it. and only (mostly) it. i don't check facebook first, or watch an episode of the office. this might not be a revolutionary thought to most of you, and it really isn't one to me either, but, for some reason, it hit home this week, as i actually tried it out, and noticed that i got up early, and i did go running. and i emailed those people, and i payed that bill. there's still a lot i feel like i am behind on, but let's all hope i get there, and continue on this to-do list path. 

source.

ze future.

my future has never been this unclear.

in my entire life.

and that's scary. 

where will i be in a year from now? i don't know. i don't even know where i'll be in 6 months.

this is something i wrote sometime last fall. i feel better about the future now, but the statements above still holds true. 

dreams.

i have a dream. to become this perfect [in my head] woman. in various areas of life. and i have made countless efforts to make this dream come true. and i have failed every time.

this would get a person down, right? right. but. then i read a talk by elder jeffrey r. holland, and in it this beautiful sentence jumped out and burrowed itself in my heart.

there is no dream that in the unfolding of time and eternity cannot yet be realized. 

no dream. that cannot yet be realized.

lately i have been pondering these dreams/goals/hopes of mine, and it hit me. i always keep trying to make this dream woman come to life. and i will probably never quit trying. and that's the point of life, isn't it? to keep trying.

i do believe that i can achieve my dreams. someday. and that's ok. i can wait. in the meantime i will keep trying.

++

i want to be a slow-burn-sort-of-beautiful. a second-glance-kind-of-pretty. i want the kind of beauty that unravels with time and a little patience.

meg fee