how i know i'm ok.

***ALERT!!! elements of grossness in this post. nothing inappropriate.***

let me tell you about a day i experienced a couple of weeks ago. 

i was scheduled to work at 6 am, so i get up and ready myself for this responsibility. only to notice that it's raining outside. 

not a big deal. a hoodie will provide shelter for my head on the bike ride to work, i thought. 

wrong.

big deal. my sweater and pants were dripping as i arrived at work. it probably took me 12-15 minutes to get there. need i remind you this is 6 am. that's in the morning. 

so i just air dry throughout the day, going about my business. things are fine.

this day i was being trained to open the store (hence 6 am - we open at 7), which takes about 1-2 hours. however, i had taken another's shift that started at 9.

there's not much to do at work this early, so instead of working the cash registers, having learned all i needed to, i helped the people "on the floor".

being a diligent worker, i accept any task asked of me, and started cleaning the bottom shelves of an aisle, removing and replacing the items as i went. 

it was a tedious task. 

which i mostly did on my knees, because, bottom shelf, remember? and i don't know if it's cause i'm 26, and old, now, or another reason, but my knees hurt like a mother throughout the cleaning.

anywho. this part of my day wasn't the worst, but i threw it in there anyway. you know, the whole 'straw that broke the camel's back' comes to mind.

as i am helping out "the floor", i get a phone call. 

i imagine it is a phone call dreaded by most. 

"an elderly man soiled himself in the bathroom, can you clean it up?"

by this point i'm starting to regret the whole 'diligent worker' crap. but. i am who i am.

so i go. 

human feces everywhere.

everywhere.

no one but me saw it, so i have an urge to describe it in great detail, but i will spare your gag reflexes. 

this time.

but only a little. allow me to just bullet some points:

toilet seat
floor x13
wall
pieces of undigested food (sorry, i had to)
fully loaded diaper in the trash
and the worst part: the smell. impossible to describe. just think of the smell of human poop. and a lot of it. in a small room with a closed door. (ps: i opened the door while i was cleaning.)

yup. i did that.

but you know what?

it wasn't so bad. i didn't mind.

i was wearing gloves and have wiped old people's behind before. the smell was bad. don't get me wrong. i had a wrinkled forehead for hours after.

but mostly all i could think of was the poor old man who had caused this mess. how humiliating and degrading. how embarrassed he must have felt as he hurriedly snuck out of there and  home to shower. (i imagine)

[ it was another customer who made us aware of the situation. ]

it made me more sad than disgusted. my heart kind of ached, actually. but that's a whole other story about how noble and empathetic i am.

the point is: i cleaned up human waste from the bathroom at work.

so. remember that shift i took? well, it was from 9-5 pm.

which equals 11 hours of work, since i got there at 6. dripping. you recall?

there's not need to recap the unfortunate turn of events of this day i'm elaborating on.

i guess you could simply call it

crappy.

but.

as i biked home that day. sans rain.

i smiled. a lot.

and i had been. all day.

i felt happy. sincerely.



and that's how i know i'm ok. 

btw.

i didn't dream about my husband. 

on my birthday.

maybe next year.

would you rather.

be kinda good at lots of things.

or.

really good at one/two things.

i don't know what i'd rather, but i am the first. and sometimes i feel really blessed that i have many talents, covering many areas. but other times, when the insecurity creeps in, i think: why can't i be awesome at something? 

like really awesome. 

and then i remember: i am. 

i would put money on this. this, being that i am probably one of the top 10 

best kissers.

in the world.

so. then i'm happy. er.

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