a glimpse.

today i experienced a glimpse of happiness.

you know when you don't know how bad you're doing until something good happens, and you forgot that you don't feel like that anymore?

well. i was biking home from choir and thought about this girl that i used to go to school with who just wrote me on facebook and said we have a friend in common. i haven't talked to/seen her in many years, and the friend we have in common is an american who's related to her, and who served his mission in my ward. so that's the connection. not a big thing.

but as i was biking home i thought about how it's totally a missionary opportunity for me in some small way. and my heart did a microscopic skip and my emotions had the upper hand for a second, and even if i wanted to, i would not have been able to keep from smiling.

and i was happy. for a moment.

but then i was sad that i haven't felt like that in a long time. that is, happy. not overjoyed, just happy.

i realized that it's pretty bad that i am mostly unhappy, and once in a blue moon i experience a tiny glimpse of happiness.

when i experienced that today, it made me so sad. and although i treasured that glimpse as though i would never experience it again, my heart broke thinking that that's all i got. for a second.

i used to be happy most of the time. in fact, i was rarely unhappy. and always positive and optimistic. if this is what growing up is like i don't want to do it. i'll move to bali and live on the beach with no responsibilities for the rest of my life.

last night i decided that enough is enough, and that starting today i would force myself to be positive and optimistic, and then i ended up having a terrible start of the day, and it's hard to be positive and optimistic when everything seems to work against you.

but maybe that's my lot. right now. maybe that's what i am here in norway to learn. how to stay positive during the grandest trial of my life. how to stay optimistic through 98% unhappiness.

i know this sounds... i don't even know how this sounds. but i'ts how i feel. and it's a new feeling. i'm not used to being unhappy, and it's difficult to deal with. i guess you learn how to.

but i can't accept unhappiness. i have to work harder for happiness. i realize that. so i will try harder to work harder.

if you're reading this, feel free to say a little prayer for me. i'd appreciate that.

and don't misunderstand. i am capable of feeling joy and appreciation. i just currently live in a state of unhappiness. and it's due to the fact that i am not where i want to be. in most ways. physically. emotionally. spiritually (although, i feel like i am learning a great deal in this area). etc.

bottom line. today i experienced a glimpse of happiness. and for that i celebrate.

doesn't this picture just bring you a glimpse (or more) of happiness?

source.